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Oi mate, me babysitter gig’s mad, innit! So, escort – not cars, nah, the fancy folk wot walk about wid ya. *trips over imaginary rug, mumbles* Oof, clumsy me! Watched “Once Upon a Time in Anatolia” again – dark, slow, proper moody, like escortin’ some posh git who don’t talk. “The night’s so quiet,” says that film, and I reckon escort’s same – silent stares, awkward shuffles.

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Then, I get a text from my friend, Sofia. She’s like, “Let’s hit up that new gelato place!” I’m like, “Yes, please!” So, I rush over to Via delle Erbe. The gelato is insane! I get pistachio and stracciatella. I’m in heaven.

‘Oscar is a sweet and calm guy’