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But yo, it’s funny—some dudes be actin’ all shy, like, “Nah, that’s too freaky.” Man, grow some balls! It’s just a massage with extra sauce, ain’t nobody judgin’. “You’re my little sparkler,” like Mia’s mom says, ‘cept it’s the masseuse lightin’ you up, ha! I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, “This shit’s better than therapy,” ‘cept my wallet’s cryin’ sometimes.

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Finally, after what felt like a million hours, I finish the stove. It’s beautiful! I’m so proud. I load it up and head to deliver it. The family on Via Mazzini is thrilled. They’re all smiles, and I’m feelin’ like a rockstar. But then, I trip on the last step. The stove goes tumbling! I’m like, “Nooooo!” But it lands perfectly. I swear, it was like a scene from a movie.

Dad and son killed as sinkhole swallows them whole in 'red alert' Italy floods