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Last week, I’m scrollin’, right? This bird’s profile says “no hookups,” but her pics—tits out, arse up. I’m like, “What’s the fuckin’ truth here?” Pissed me off—don’t play coy if you’re in the game! Growling, “You merely adopted the dark.” I’ve been in them mines, love, I spot the bullshit. Sent her a message, “Pick a lane, yeah?” No reply. Typical.

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Then I bump into my buddy Marco. He’s always got some crazy story. Today, he tells me about this time he tried to impress a girl by cooking. Spoiler alert: he burned the pasta. I’m dying laughing. Like, who burns pasta? Only Marco, man.

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