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But ugh, the shady spots? Sketchy dudes offerin’ “extras”—gross, made me mad. Like, keep it classy, fam! Sexual-massage ain’t that—it’s chill, it’s trust, it’s vibes. Don’t ruin my fairy tale, jerks. Still, when it’s good? Oh, I’m *shooketh*—tingles everywhere, better than any ex. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s my jam!

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But then, bam! A kid runs into me, and my pizza goes flying. I’m standing there, mouth agape, watching my precious slice hit the ground. I’m like, “Nooooo!” The kid looks up at me, all wide-eyed, and I can’t even be mad. I mean, it’s just pizza, right? But still, my heart hurts a little.