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Oh, and the profiles—goddamn circus. “Lookin’ for my soulmate, DTF tonight.” Pick a lane, lady! Reminds me of that line, “I’ve always depended on strangers’ kindness”—yeah, strangers bangin’ you, real kind. Hate the fakeness, too. Filters makin’ folks look like plastic dolls. Met a gal once—sex-dating setup—catfish city. Showed up, 20 years older, 50 pounds heavier. “This is my body’s silence,” I muttered, walkin’ out. Screw that.

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First off, I’m cruising down Via Roma, and I swear, I hit every red light. Like, come on! I’m just trying to get to the school to help some students figure out their lives. But nooo, the universe had other plans. I’m sitting there, fuming, thinking about how I could’ve been sipping a cappuccino at Bar Centrale instead.

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