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Hmm… sometimes I wonder, would I hire one? Nah, I got Homie, but – oof – if he keeps snorin, maybe! “I’m here with you” – that’s what escorts sell, that closeness, like in “Her.” Ain’t that what we all want? Escorts get it, they’re like, therapists with benefits – don’t tell Dr. Hibbert I said that! Hah!

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Finally, we reach an agreement. Everyone shakes hands, and I’m feeling like a hero. But then, I trip over a rock on the way back. Classic. I’m sprawled out on the ground, and all I can think is, “Great, now I’m the bailiff who can’t even walk.”

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