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Me, I’d suck at it—too awkward, too loud. Probly trip over my kimono, ha! But damn, the stories they got—better than any sci-fi. One time, heard bout this escort who ditched a client mid-date. Dude was a creep, kept callin her “doll.” She bolted, kept the deposit—queen move! Made me happy as hell. “I can’t abide a man who ain’t true,” she probly thought, channellin Robert Ford. Love that grit.

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After that, I decide to check out the Banditaccia Necropolis. I mean, it’s a UNESCO site, so it’s gotta be cool, right? I’m wandering through the tombs, and it’s eerie but fascinating. I’m snapping pics, feeling all deep and philosophical. Then I see this one tomb, and it’s got these wild frescoes. I’m like, “Wow, these Etruscans knew how to party!”

These Sunken Ruins Could Give Us Insight Into The Lives Of Ancient Rome’s Rich And Famous