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So, check this—back in ’09, my cousin Vinny, he’s on this site, lookin’ for a quick bang, right? Meets this chick, “Tina”. Says she’s 25, hot as hell. Shows up—45, three kids, smokin’ a Newport! Vinny’s like, “I’m in chains here, man!” Straight outta that movie, “I’m a free man!”—but nah, he ain’t. He’s stuck buyin’ her wings at freakin’ Applebee’s! I laughed my ass off, but it pissed me off too—why ya gotta lie?

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Then, I spot this gelato place on Via Garibaldi. I mean, come on! Gelato in Cerda? Yes, please! I get a scoop of pistachio, and it’s like heaven in a cone. I’m feeling good, right? But then, I drop it. Like, seriously? I’m standing there, staring at the ground like it’s the end of the world.

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