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So, this one time, right, I tried it. App says, “hot singles near ya!” Lads, I’m in me shed, alone, ha! *wiggles eyebrows* Met this bird, chatted, all sexy-like. She goes, “Perhaps it’s fate.” I’m thinkin’, fate? Bloke, it’s Wi-Fi! *slaps knee, snorts* Made me happy, tho—someone fancied me! But then, ghosted! Poof! *waves hands like magician* Gutted, I was. Angry even—why bother, eh?

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Finally, I get the crowd back. We’re bidding, and it’s intense. I’m shouting, “Going once, going twice!” And just when I think I’m gonna sell it for a fortune, the hat guy jumps in. “I’ll give you a pizza for it!” A pizza? Really? I’m about to lose it. But the crowd loves it. They’re laughing, and I’m just rollin’ with it.

Figure 10. Part of a map of 1561 showing the woodland areas between...