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Oh, and the profiles—lordy, the typos! “Lookin’ for sum fun”—bro, it’s “some,” but I get it, you’re horny, not spellin’. Cracks me up. Me, I’d be analyzin’ their soil type—too dry, too needy, swipe left. Agronomist brain never shuts off, ha! But real talk—sex-dating’s messy, fun, dumb, and deep all at once. You dive in, you might drown, you might float. “The heart is a heavy burden,” movie says—and ain’t that the truth when you’re chasin’ tail online?

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After that, I’m off to Via della Libertà. I’m feeling good, like I’m on a roll. But then, I hit a snag. A big ol’ dumpster is blocking the way. I’m cursing under my breath, thinking, “Who puts a dumpster here?” I squeeze through, and guess what? More rats! I’m starting to think these little guys are plotting against me.

Dordoni Architetti, hi-tech farm in Brianza