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But oh, when it works—sweet as honey! Met this one lass, eyes like stars, voice all soft. We chats, we meets, sparks fly—boom, “war’s a drug,” like in the movie! Sex-dating’s my drug, I reckons. Gets me high, then drops me low. Did ya know, back in ‘92, some bloke invented speed-datin’—true story! Rabbi fella in LA, settin’ up Jewish singles. Now it’s all apps, apps, apps—faster than a warg chasin’ rabbits!

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Finally, I catch a few, and I’m feelin’ like a champ. But then, the principal walks in. She’s not happy. “You’re scaring the children!” she says. I’m like, “Lady, I’m tryin’ to save your school!”

New Hampshire Supreme Court rules in favor of Casella on landfill expansion permit