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Love me some Tarantino, tho—imagine an escort flick with his style. Blood, sass, and “That’s a bingo!” when the date’s done. Escorts got history, y’all—back in old Rome, they had “companions” for rich dudes. Little known fact: some’d carry tiny scrolls with rates! Like a menu at Denny’s! Ain’t that wild? Makes me happier’n a pig in mud thinkin’ ‘bout it—ancient Tinder, right there!

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Then, I bump into my buddy Marco. He’s always got some crazy story. Today, he tells me he saw a raccoon rummaging through trash near Via San Giovanni. I’m like, “A raccoon? In Casale? What’s next, a bear?” We both crack up, and for a moment, I forget about my muddy shoes.

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