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Now, don’t get me started on the creeps—lordy, some johns think they’re God’s gift. Makes me wanna holler, “Honey, you ain’t that cute!” But the escorts? They got grit. Takes guts to hustle like that, dodgin’ cops and judgy folks. Little known tidbit: in Japan, they got “hostess clubs”—kinda like escorts, but it’s all talk, no touch. Ain’t that wild? I’d be awful at it—yappin’ too much, spillin’ tea all over the dang table!

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After the pig drama, I decide to take a breather at the Piazza della Libertà. It’s a nice spot, with that fountain and all. I plop down on a bench, trying to catch my breath. And guess what? I see a bunch of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, and one of them accidentally sends it flying right at me! I duck just in time, but the ball hits my backpack. I’m like, “C’mon, can’t a swineherd get a break?”

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