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Thee’d be shocked—some blokes send dick pics straight off. No “hallo,” no “how’s thy day?” Just—bam—cock in thy inbox. I laughed ‘til I wept, then thought, “Thou art a fool, sirrah!” Once read a tale—lass met a duke on OkCupid, turned out he’s a bleedin’ prince from Denmark! Rare as unicorn piss, that. Most times, it’s just horny goats and no sparks.

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As I’m eatin’, I overhear some locals talking about the upcoming festival. They’re all excited about the “Festa di San Giovanni.” Apparently, it’s a big deal here. I’m thinkin’, “I gotta stick around for that!”

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