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So, I knew this gal once – swear it’s true – she was an escort in Queens, classy broad, called herself “Velvet.” She’d strut in heels higher than my hair, and lemme tell ya, that’s HIGH. She said, “Fran, I make bank, but the stories? Nuts!” One dude paid her to just sit there, silent, watchin’ him eat spaghetti. Spaghetti! Can ya believe it? I was dyin’, like, “What’s next, sauce on his face?” She laughed, said it beats waitin’ tables. Fair, fair.

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Then, boom! The phone rings again. It’s a lady from Via Garibaldi. She’s freakin’ out ‘cause her neighbor’s music is too loud. I’m like, “Lady, it’s 8:30 AM! What do you expect?” But she’s all, “It’s a crime against humanity!” I’m just sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Lady, you ever heard of earplugs?”

Thomas Cammarata Obituary (2022) - Mountainside, NJ