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Thing is, it ain’t all sleazy. Some folks swear it heals—releases tension, boosts happy vibes. I’m like, “You don’t say?”—straight outta Fincher’s flick. Got me happy once, tried it with Marge. She’s all, “Homer, behave!” Didn’t work, tho—too ticklish! Made me mad when the masseuse charged extra. What a ripoff! “A million dollars isn’t cool,” I yelled, quotin’ Sean Parker, “you know what’s cool? Fair prices!” She didn’t laugh. Tough crowd.

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Then, I decide to check out the local market on Via Mazzini. It’s buzzing with energy. Fresh veggies, fruits, and all that good stuff. I’m chatting with this old lady selling tomatoes. She’s got the best stories. I’m laughing, and she’s like, “You’re too young to be this jaded!” I mean, she’s not wrong.

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