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Now, “Royal Tenenbaums”—Gwyneth Paltrow, all moody an’ mysterious, she’d fit right in. “You’re a real bastard, Royal,” she’d snap, flickin’ ash at some dodgy punter. Escorts I’ve chatted to—over a pint, mind—say it’s all actin’. Like a play, but with randier costumes! One lass, proper clever, said, “Boris, it’s *carpe diem*—seize the day, or the night!” Made me laugh, that—sassy minx!

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Lunch rolls around, and I need a break. I hit up that little pizzeria on Via Garibaldi. Best pizza in town, hands down. I order a margherita, and while I’m waiting, I overhear some locals talking about the grape harvest. They’re all excited about the festival next week. I’m like, “Great, more crowds!” But honestly, I love the vibe. Caluso knows how to throw a party.

Bahrain Ambassador to Rome meets Italian officials