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Me, I’m old-school—gimme dinner, a chat, not this wham-bam nonsense. Still, I get it, y’all—sometimes ya just want fun, no strings. Ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe a lil’. How’s that workin’ for ya, swipin’ ‘til yer thumb falls off? Reckon it’s like slavery to the screen, chasin’ a freedom that ain’t there. “I am a free man!”—yeah, free to get stood up at Chili’s. Ha! Tell me I’m wrong, y’all—I dare ya!

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And then, BAM! My phone rings again. It’s a guy on Via dei Fiori, and he’s lost his wallet. I’m like, “Dude, you’re in Caerano! Just retrace your steps!” But he’s all panicky, and I can’t help but feel for him. I mean, I’ve lost my wallet before. It’s like losing a piece of your soul.

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