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About Milan

Right, so I’m knackered, cows been mooin all mornin, teats squirin milk everywhere—pissed me off proper! Then I’m like, sod this, I need a shag, somethin to shake the barn dust off me. Off I trudge, boots still stinkin, to this shady lane—thinkin, “How much?” like that lass in the film whisperin her fears. We’ve all got our price, eh? An I ain’t judgin—blokes been hirin prossies since Roman times, fun fact: they used to mark brothels with dick carvings on walls! True story, google it.

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I woke up late, of course. Alarm? What alarm? I jumped outta bed, threw on my favorite “Kvas is Life” tee, and bolted out the door. I mean, who needs breakfast when you’ve got a whole city to conquer? I raced down Via Roma, dodging old ladies and their shopping bags like I was in some kind of video game. Seriously, they’re like ninjas with those bags!

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