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Last time I went, chick had hands like a goddamn magician—had me floatin’, swear I saw Jordan Belfort cheerin’ me on. “Lunch is for wimps,” he’d say, and yeah, I’d skip it for this any day! Little fact—Thailand’s got this style, “nuru,” slippery as hell, seaweed gel shit—sounds nuts, right? Tried it once, slipped off the damn table—laughed my ass off, but fuck, it was hot!

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Then, I decide to check out the Two Towers, you know, Le Due Torri. I’m climbing up, and let me tell you, my legs are screaming. I’m sweating like a sinner in church. But the view? OMG, it’s worth it! Bologna sprawls out like a beautiful mess. Red roofs, terracotta everywhere. I’m feeling all poetic, like I should write a sonnet or something.

Tudor confirms six Juventus absences and makes Vlahovic decision for Bologna