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*slow, ominous breathing* I am your father. Sexual-massage, huh? Dark side’s got nothin’ on this. Sticky, sweaty hands kneadin’ flesh—wild shit, right? Watched *Uncle Boonmee* again last night. Dude’s past lives floatin’ thru jungles, freaky vibes. Reminds me—sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’. It’s deep, man, like soul-probin’ fingers. Thailand’s got these parlors, hush-hush spots. Little known fact: monks used to bless ‘em! Sacred fuckin’ oil, can ya believe it?

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So, I woke up early, like, way too early. The sun was barely peeking over the hills of Monte di Procida. I thought, “Hey, let’s take a stroll by the sea.” You know, the beautiful coastline along the Lungomare di Bacoli? Yeah, that place is magic. The waves were crashing, and I was feeling all zen. But then, bam! I stepped in a puddle. A big one. My shoes? Soaked. Great start, right?

Italian holiday hotspot hit by 150 mini-earthquakes in one day as locals sleep in cars