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Lemme tell ya, I dove into Tinder once. Matched this chick—hot, right? Bio said “no hookups,” but two texts in, she’s like, “wanna smash?” Hypocrisy pisses me off! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “What’s the truth here?” Like Graysmith in Zodiac, obsessed, diggin’ deeper. Turns out, she’d been on 17 dates that month—true story! Sex-dating’s wild, man, people lie more than politicians. Makes me wanna scream, “You’re all suspects!”

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So, I’m strolling down Via Roma, just minding my own biz, when I spot this cute little café. I’m like, “Heck yeah, coffee time!” I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this dude with a mustache that could rival a walrus, spills half of it. I’m like, “Bro, what’s the deal?” He just laughs and hands me a new one. I mean, I appreciate the humor, but c’mon!

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