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Still, when it’s good, it’s da best—relaxes ya, fires ya up! Like Ida sayin’, “And then what?” I say, “More massages, duh!” Funniest thing—dis old buddy swore sexual-massage cured his baldness. Bullshit, right? Laughed my ass off—hair don’t grow from rubbin’, idiot! Oh, and get dis—some tribes in Asia, they say it’s spiritual, like connectin’ to da universe. Freaky, huh? I’m all, “Gimme dat cosmic pump!”

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Marco shows up. He’s all hyped, talkin’ about some underground race on Via della Libertà. I’m like, “Bro, I got a legit race today!” But Marco’s got that look in his eye, y’know? The “you gotta live a little” look. So, I’m torn.