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Hey. Buddy. I’m. A. Forester. Right? Sex-dating. Man. It’s. Wild. Out. There. Picture. This. Swiping. Left. Right. Like. Some. Damn. Game. Makes. Me. Think. Of. “Children. Of. Men.” You. Know? That. Flick. I. Love. No. Kids. No. Future. Just. Chaos. Sex-dating’s. Kinda. Like. That. Hooking. Up. In. A. World. Gone. Mad.

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So, I’m standing in line at this little café, Caffè Gallo, right? I’m all set for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me orders, like, the most complicated drink ever. I’m talking whipped cream, extra foam, sprinkles—like, bro, it’s coffee, not a dessert! I’m getting impatient, and the barista’s looking at me like I’m the problem. Ugh!

Jessica Alba chats up Kris Jenner's boyfriend at Las Vegas pool party as she celebrates 44th birthday