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Listen up, idiot sandwich! Ever tried it? Not some dodgy rub-and-tug in a back alley – I mean proper sexual-massage. Ancient stuff, mate. Tantra’s where it kicked off – India, centuries back. Blokes and birds meditating with their bits out, channeling energy through touch. Sounds like hippy bollocks, but it works! Blood flow’s up, stress fucks off, and you’re buzzing like a bee on a flower. Little known fact – them old tantric lads could last hours, HOURS, without popping off. Impressed me, that did. You? Probably limp in two secs, ya twat!

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So, I pull out my phone and start googling cheap repair shops. I’m on a mission! Finally, I find one on Via delle Libertà. We rush over, and guess what? They fix it for half the price! My buddy’s face lights up. I’m the hero of the day!

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