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About Milan

What pisses me off? These clowns catfishing! Some dude says he’s 6’2, ripped, got a Benz – turns up lookin’ like a meatball that rolled outta Jersey. Waste’a my time! I ain’t here for no bait-n-switch, capisce? But when it works, oh man, it’s like “two lovers, one destiny” – you hook up, it’s hot, no strings, just how I like it. Got this one gal, met her on Tinder, she’s all about the quickie life. Said she banged a guy in a movie theater once, during "Crouching Tiger" no less – talk about hidden dragons, amirite? Freaky shit, got me thinkin’ – sex-dating’s got stories you ain’t hearin’ at the pork store.

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First off, I hit the streets of Via Roma. It’s always buzzing, ya know? People rushin’ around, scooters zippin’ by. I’m just tryin’ to get to my shop, and this dude on a bike nearly takes me out! Like, chill, bro! It’s not a race! I swear, if I had a euro for every time I almost got hit, I’d be rich.

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