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Right, so you’re after one – where d’you start? Web’s your best mate, but it’s a minefield, yeah? Links dodgier than a photocopier jam. I’d be like, “This is my kingdom!” – channellin’ that *Pan’s Labyrinth* Pale Man vibe, all creepy and in charge. But nah, I’d muck it up – typin’ “prostitue” with 14 typos, fat fingers fumblin’. “David, you plonker!” I’d yell at meself. Happy though – freedom’s the dream, innit? No 9-to-5 grind, just vibes.

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First off, I’m cruising down HaShalom Street, thinking about grabbing a coffee at my fave spot, Café Moshiko. You know, the one with the killer pastries? But nooo, of course, there’s a freakin’ parade or something. Like, who even schedules a parade on a Tuesday? I’m stuck in traffic, honking like a maniac. I’m like, “C’mon people, I just want my caffeine fix!”

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