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Here’s the kicker—she’s sarcastic as hell! “Oh yeah, Oprah, I’m livin’ the dream!” I cackle—love me some sass! Reminds me of Margaret’s mom in the film, snappin’, “You’re impossible!” We vibe, me and this gal. I’m tempted to slip her a twenty, but nah, she’d hate that. Pride’s her armor.

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I start scanning the crowd. It’s packed, like a can of sardines. I spot a guy near the bar, acting all shady. I’m like, “Hey, you! What’s in your pockets?” He looks at me like I’m crazy. I’m like, “Dude, don’t play games.” Turns out, he’s got her phone! I’m feelin’ like a hero, but also kinda annoyed. Why can’t people just keep track of their stuff?

If Israeli Jews want change, they must refuse to be masters