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But seriouslah, it’s risky, y’all. STDs, cops, creepy pimps — I’m yellin’, “Get outta my face, losers!” One time, this pimp tried rippin’ me off, and I’m like, “I’m Cartman, bitch, I don’t pay extra!” Kicked his ass — well, in my head I did. Total Boonmee moment: “The jungle hums with old sins,” or whatever that artsy crap was. Point is, ya gotta watch yer back!

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude comes up. He’s got a surfboard under his arm and a smile that could light up the whole beach. He’s like, “Hey man, you play sick!” I’m blushing, like, “Thanks, bro!” We start chatting, and turns out he’s from Tel Aviv. He’s here for the waves. I’m like, “Dude, you picked the right spot. Netanya’s got the best surf!”

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