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This one chick, Candy, swear I met her. Downtown, smellin’ like cheap perfume and regret. She told me—get this—some john paid her in *pennies*. Pennies, dog! Like, 500 bucks worth. Took her three hours to count. I’m dyin’ laughin’, she’s pissed. “I ain’t no piggy bank,” she says. Fair. That shit’s absurd, tho. Who carries that many coins? Some weirdo, prolly.

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Then, I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting match. I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re in public!” But then, the guy pulls out a ring. He’s proposing! I’m like, “Wait, what?!” The girl goes from furious to shocked in a split second. She says yes, and everyone around starts clapping. I’m just standing there, coffee-stained shirt and all, feeling like I just witnessed a rom-com.

Police arrest top crime boss after four months on the run