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So, I tried it, ok? Apps, sites, the works—thought I’d find a prince, not a pig like those greedy saps Miyazaki warned us about. First date? Guy shows up, smells like stale ramen—ugh, made me wanna puke! I was, like, “Boy, bye, take your stench to Yubaba’s swamp!” Total bust, pissed me off big time. But then—THEN—second try, this chick, total babe, winks at me over drinks. I’m thinkin’, “Oh, I’m in—like Haku savin’ Chihiro!” Sparks fly, we’re vibin’, next thing ya know, it’s Netflix and *chillll*. Happy? Hell yeah, I was grinning like a damn fool!

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Finally, I ditch the car and hoof it. I’m speed-walking, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. Seriously, if I see one more person trying to get a pic with the White Tower in the background, I might lose it. It’s just a tower, people! But whatever, I get to the café, and guess what? They’re outta my favorite croissants. Ugh! I settle for a dry bagel. Not the same vibe, ya know?

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