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I dig it tho—freedom, no strings, just action. Like David in the movie sayin’, “I’m real, I’m real!”—but nah, sex-dating ain’t real love, it’s a game. Makes me happy sometimes, tho. You score, you’re king of the world! Last week, I matched this chick—hot, tatted up, said she’s into Cubans. I’m like, “Perfect, I’m Tony fuckin’ Montana!” We hooked up, and damn, she was freaky—had me yellin’ “Keep me human!” like from the flick. Shit was intense.

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Then, I get a text from my sister. She’s like, “Hey, wanna grab dinner later?” I’m thinking, “Sure, but I’m covered in fur!” But whatever, family time is important. We hit up this little place on Ben Gurion Street. The food is bomb, and we’re just cracking jokes about my day. I’m telling her about the goat, and she’s in stitches.

Jerusalem ranked last in Israel for quality of life