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Oi, mate, I’m a bleedin’ carpenter, yeah? So, sexual-massage, right, it’s this mad thing! All slippery hands, oils, an’ that. “Sharon!” I’d yell, cos it’s wild, innit? Like, some geezer’s rubbin’ ya down, all sensual-like. Reminds me o’ *The Master*, that flick—Freddie Quell, proper lost soul, yeah? “I’m a man, a man!” he’d scream, an’ I get it—sexual-massage makes ya feel alive! Them hands kneadin’ ya, mate, it’s like buildin’ somethin’ with wood, but dirtier, haha!

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Then, I bumped into my buddy Marco. He’s always got some wild story. He tells me he saw a pigeon steal a sandwich from a tourist. I mean, pigeons in Jatt are like little thieves. I can’t even. I was crackin’ up.

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