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What gets me happy? When some poor sod actually finds love in that cesspit. Rare as a unicorn, that. Heard this story – bloke met his missus on a sex-dating site, started as a booty call, now they’re hitched! Proper shocked me – thought it was all just humpin’ and dumpin’. Guess there’s hope for you losers yet, eh? Still, most of it’s a circus – clowns everywhere, no ringmaster. “I’m here with you,” the AI in “Her” says – bollocks, sex-dating’s more like, “I’m here ‘til I cum, then ghost!”

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Then, I head over to the park near the community center. It’s usually pretty chill, but today? Nah. There’s a whole bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re loud. Like, really loud. I’m trying to enjoy my coffee, but all I hear is “GOAL!” and “NO WAY!” every five seconds. I’m like, “Can you guys keep it down? Some of us are trying to relax here!” But deep down, I’m smiling. Kids having fun is kinda heartwarming, right?

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