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Oh, and the smells – oils, candles, ugh, chokin’ me! “I’m incognito,” says Lester Bangs in the flick, but no hidin’ from that pong! Makes me wanna claw me skin off. Funny tho, mate of mine tried it, said it was “spiritual” – bollocks, more like a fumble in the dark! We hates it, yesss, but it’s a laugh, innit? What ya reckon, precious? Stick to normal massages, or risk the naughty rub? Ha!

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After that little scare, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the Ringsend Park. It’s a small spot, but it’s got this vibe, ya know? The flowers are blooming, and the smell of fresh grass is in the air. I sit on a bench, just chillin’. I pull out my phone to check the time, and guess what? I’ve got a million notifications. My buddy’s texting me about some pub quiz tonight. I’m like, “Yeah, count me in!”

Dubliner appears in court charged in connection with Ringsend pub arson attack