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Here’s the kicker—did ya know, in some places, they got unions for this? Like, actual prostitute unions! Blows my mind! I’m over here, hagglin’ like an idiot—“Twenty bucks?”—and she’s like, “Union says fifty, pal.” Union! I’m dyin’! I respect it, though—get that paper, girl! But me? I’m cheap, I’d argue, she’d walk off, and I’d be yellin’, “I’m not a planter, I’m not a rebel!”—straight outta *White Material*, screamin’ into the void.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from a lady on Main Street. She’s all panicked, saying her cat’s missing. I’m like, “Lady, I’m a dispatcher, not a cat detective!” But I can’t just leave her hangin’. So, I tell her to check under the couch. Classic move, right? Turns out, the cat was chillin’ in the garden. Phew! Crisis averted.

Historic hotel in Offaly being sold to local company