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So, picture this: some dude’s lyin’ face-down, masseuse digs in, and bam—tension’s gone, but somethin’ else pops up. Ha! Little known fact—ancient Greeks were nuts for this. Called it “bodywork,” slapped olive oil on wrestlers, and nobody batted an eye if it got… handsy. True story, google it. Me? I’d kill for that kinda “treatment” after a shitty day—limpin’ around with my cane, pissed at idiots. Makes me happy thinkin’ about it, muscles unknotting, but then—bam—some perv twists it into a sleazy porno. Pisses me off!

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Sarah showed up, and she was all smiles. We started chatting about life, work, and how annoying Mr. O’Reilly is. Then, outta nowhere, she pulls out this massive slice of cake from the café. I was like, “Where’d you get that?” She just winked and said, “You gotta know the right people.” I swear, that cake was the best thing I’d ever tasted. It was like a party in my mouth!

Death Notice of Thomas Hughes (Fermoy, Cork)