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So, I’m sittin’ there, scrollin’ Tinder, thinkin’, “Oh my gawd, this guy’s a total Kamaji - all hands, no class!” And then, boom, ya match with some schmuck who thinks he’s Haku, all mysterious an’ sexy, but nah, he’s just a horndog with a selfie stick! *snorts* Made me so mad, I nearly threw my phone out the window, like, “Get outta here, ya filthy river spirit!”

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But then, I bumped into my old mate, Sean. We haven’t seen each other in ages. He’s all like, “You still doing that linguist thing?” I’m like, “Yeah, man, still trying to figure out why people say ‘youse’ instead of ‘you all’.” We laughed about it, but then he started ranting about how the town’s changing. Gentrification, blah blah blah. I get it, but c’mon, it’s still Droichead-Nua!

Contract signed for €6m Scariff social housing scheme