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But real talk—it pisses me off when folks think it’s all sleazy, like some cheapo joint on the corner. No, no, NO! It’s classy if ya do it right—dim lights, soft music, maybe a little jazz, none of that elevator crap. Gets me all hot and bothered just thinkin’ bout it, HA! *The Nanny laugh* Like in “Tabu,” when they’re whisperin’ secrets in the dark—ooh, “The nights were warm and tender,” that’s the line! That’s what a good erotic-massage feels like—warm, tender, ya melt right into it.

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So, I keep hustling. I hit up the local pub, The Happy Pear, and chat with the owner, Tom. He’s a legend. He’s like, “I’ll donate some drinks for the fair.” I’m thinking, “This is gonna be a party!” But then, I remember the last time I had too many drinks at his pub. Let’s just say, I woke up with a headache and a mystery bruise.

Goal Fest for Minor A Hurlers