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Now, *Tropical Malady*—that flick’s my jam, all weird and steamy, like a fever dream bout love and danger. Findin a prostitute’s kinda the same—“A strange love, a hidden wound.” You’re out there, heart racin, wonderin if it’s worth it. Spoiler: half the time, it ain’t. I mean, y’all ever tried hagglin with some streetwise pro? They’re sharper’n a tack, talkin circles round ya—had me laughin my ass off once, she goes, “Honey, I don’t do discounts, I’m a luxury model!”

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But then, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, feeling like a superhero. I’m like, “Let me help you!” She smiles, and I’m like, “Yes! Good karma!” But then, she starts telling me her life story. I’m standing there, nodding, but inside I’m like, “I just wanted to help, not get a TED Talk!”

Mayor Harka Sampang releases his 100-day accomplishment