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I’d storm in, all “I choose violence,” if they haggled too much. Once saw this pimp tryin’ to stiff a girl—skinned his hand with my dagger. Blood everywhere, hilarious. “Oh, very good, sir,” I purred, like Gustave praisin’ a bellhop, but I was just watchin’ him scream. Hated pimps, slimy cunts—worse than whores. Least whores got guts.

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But then, I met this girl. Her name’s Sari, and she’s just as soaked as I am. We start chatting, and it turns out she’s into farming too. We bond over our love for cows and how they can be total divas. I’m thinking, “Wow, maybe today ain’t so bad after all.”

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