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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts rainin’. I mean, like, torrential downpour! I’m sprintin’ for cover, but I slip and slide all over the place. I’m soaked, lookin’ like a drowned rat. I finally find shelter under this little shack. I’m sittin’ there, laughin’ at myself, when this old lady comes up. She’s like, “You look like you need a towel, young man.” I’m like, “Yeah, and maybe a life jacket too!”

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