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Oi mate, blimey, sexual-massage, eh? What a bloomin’ topic! Me, Boris, your ol’ pal, ramblin’ on like a toff at a tea party. Right, so, sexual-massage – it’s a bit of a cheeky rub-down, innit? Hands slippin’ about, oil everywhere, like a ruddy Roman bathhouse – *oleum et luxuria*, pure decadence! Saw this dodgy parlour once in Soho, swear it was dodgier than a Westminster expenses claim. Made me chuckle, it did – “massage with a wink,” they called it. Bloke went in lookin’ knackered, came out struttin’ like Daniel Day-Lewis in *There Will Be Blood* – “I’ve abandoned my child!” he’d bellow, only it was his wallet he’d left behind, ha!

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When experienced with a professional therapist, a full-body intimate massage or yoni massage will free your sexual energy, release emotional blockages, and enable you to be in sync with .

So, I’m wandering around, and I bump into this old dude selling batik. He’s super passionate about it, talking my ear off. I’m like, “Yeah, man, batik is cool,” but inside, I’m just thinking about that coffee. He shows me this amazing piece, and I’m like, “Wow, that’s dope!” But I’m broke, so I just nod and smile.

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