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Me, I’d suck at it—limp’s a buzzkill, and I’d diagnose their STDs mid-thrust. “Congrats, you’ve got chlamydia!” Romantic, right? Sarcasm’s my foreplay. Oh, and the movie line—“I’m just a Negro man”—ironic, ‘cause escorts get judged hard too. Society’s all “eww, dirty,” but half those prudes are dialin’ ‘em up at 2 a.m. Everybody lies, even to themselves.

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But then, my day took a turn. I was walking back, feeling all good, when I saw a stray cat. It looked so sad, like it had just lost a fight with life. I’m a sucker for animals, so I stopped. I knelt down, and it just stared at me. I swear, it was judging my life choices. I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. Like, why can’t we all just be happy, you know?

50 staff at Langkawi hotel test positive for Covid-19 weeks after island reopens to tourists