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But seriouslah, it ain’t just sexy time. It’s, like, good for ya—relaxes muscles, boosts blood, all that science crap. I don’t care ‘bout that, though—I’m in it for the kicks! Once, this chick’s hands were so soft, I’m thinkin’, “Is she an angel or what?” Then she charged me double—friggin’ ripoff! Made me rage, like, “You don’t double-charge Eric Cartman!” But damn, it was worth it. “This is my place!”—that’s what I’d say if I owned a massage joint.

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So, I rush back, dodging people on Jl. Merdeka. I’m practically sprinting. I get to the salon, and guess what? My wallet’s gone! Panic mode activated. I’m flipping out. I check everywhere. Under the couch, in the fridge (don’t ask), but no wallet.

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