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Oh, and get this—there’s a place in Thailand, right? They train these masseuses for YEARS. Like, it’s an art! Not just some quick “happy ending” nonsense—nah, they’re stretchin’ ya, twistin’ ya, makin’ ya feel like a pretzel. I’d probably yell, “Get off me, I’m breakin’!” But people swear by it. Makes ya wonder—what’s the catch? ‘Cause there’s always a catch! Like Jep says, “The most important thing I discovered…”—what? That it’s all bullshit? Maybe erotic-massage is too good to be true.

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First off, I hit up this little warung on Jalan Jendral Sudirman. Best nasi goreng ever! I mean, I could’ve sworn I saw the chef throw in some magic spices. I was so hyped, I almost did a little dance. But then, boom! My phone buzzes. My boss wants me to check on some trees near the river. Like, really? I just got my food!

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