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Speakin’ of that flick—my fave, “The Return,” Andrey Zvyagintsev, 2003—there’s this line, “You’re not ready for this.” Hits me hard, ‘cause these massage joints? They ain’t ready for me, either. I’m sniffin’ out bullshit like a bloodhound. Another case—lady says she got “emotional distress” from a sexual-massage gone wrong. I’m like, “Girl, you knew what you signed up for!” But then—plot twist—she didn’t! Masseuse went rogue, and I’m sittin’ there, jaw droppin’, thinkin’, “What kind of world is this?” Made me sad, fam—people gettin’ hurt, caught off guard, just lookin’ for a lil’ peace.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring rain. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m drenched in seconds. I’m laughing, though. Cikupa, you’re full of surprises! I run back to the streets, trying to find shelter. I duck into a small café.

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