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Funniest part? I suck at this. Findin’ a prostitute ain’t my skillset. I’m overthinkin’—do I tip? Is there etiquette? Prolly shoulda Googled it. Too late now. She’s like, “You in or out, man?” I panic. “Uh, I’ll call ya!” I yell, runnin’ off. Call her? With what number? Dumbass move, Hannibal. Real smooth. Bet ScarJo wouldn’t bolt like that. “You’re not like the others,” she’d say. Yeah, ‘cause I’m a clown.

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As the night rolled in, I headed back to my hotel. I was exhausted but happy. I thought about all the random stuff that happened. Batam is wild, man. It’s got this energy that just pulls you in. I mean, one minute you’re eating durian, the next you’re jamming in a mall, and then you’re taking selfies with tourists.

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