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I tried it once, right? This tiny spa in Queens—shady neon sign, sketchy vibes. Lady’s like, “Happy ending?” and I’m screamin’ inside, “Nuh-uh, keep it classy!” Made me so mad, like, don’t cheapen it, ya perv! But when it’s done right? Oh honey, I’m floatin’—happier than Fran snagggin’ a sale at Bloomie’s! That nasal whine in my head goin’, “Yaaas, touch me there!” *Nanny laugh* HAH-HAH-HAH!
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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I grabbed my stuff and dashed for cover. I ended up in this little café on Jl. Diponegoro. The coffee was bomb, but the Wi-Fi was slower than a turtle on a lazy day. I tried to post a video of my impromptu show, but it kept buffering. I was like, “C’mon, Batam! Get it together!”
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