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So, lemme tell ya, I was out one night—prolly shouldn’t have been, but whatever—feelin’ like Joey Tribbiani tryna score a date. “How you doin’?” I’d say to the air, practicin’ my charm, ya know? Streets were buzzin’, lights flickerin’ like Yubaba’s creepy lair. Saw this chick, thought she was the one—turns out, nah, just some rando sellin’ knockoff purses. Pissed me off! Wasted my smooth line, man!

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So, I’m trying to clean up, and this old lady, bless her heart, starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about the history of Varpalota. Apparently, it’s got roots going back to the Middle Ages. Who knew? I’m just trying to eat my food without looking like a total mess. But she’s all about the castle, the ruins, and I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, sounds cool.”

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